


He Came Back

by LeftoverFT



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bro is in pain, Dave leaves and Bro falls apart cause Cal is finally gone, Depressing, Depression, Gen, Is how everything went wrong, Sadstuck, and he can think again, but all he can think about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-28 23:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8466847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeftoverFT/pseuds/LeftoverFT
Summary: You're Dirk Strider, Cal's gone, and after Dave left, you've become too tired to function.





	

You were tired.

You were so incredibly tired, and no amount of sleep could help you.

You were tired, and no matter how many times you said you were fine, you'd never be fine.

Your head was pounding, a dull throb that aspirin couldn't get rid of. Your back always ached, and even when you hadn't done anything all day, your legs felt sore, like you had run a marathon. Your glasses never sat straight on your noes anymore, they were always crooked.

Sometimes you thought you might be going insane.

You were so lonely, not even work helped with that. Seeing people just made you feel worse. After Dave had left, you never spoke to anyone.

You didn't need as much money, so you stopped making puppets and almost completely quit going on the Internet. You only ever went on to see if one of your old friends or new coworkers had messaged you.

They never did.

You were always alone, even Cal was gone. At least when he was here, someone was talking to you.

Your bones were always creaking, when you'd stand up, they'd crack and groan. You had lost weight after Dave left, you no longer felt a need to go out and buy food. Now you could hear and see the difference.

You were disgusted in yourself, but you weren't disappointed. You knew you'd never make it far. You were never destined for greatness. You'd forever be on the bottom, either helping others reach heroism, or standing back and watching them fail.

Another full throb echoed throughout your skull. You were so tired, but you couldn't sleep.

Dave had texted you not too long ago, maybe two days ago, possibly ten days, you weren't actually sure. How long have you been laying on this couch?

Everything hurt, and for once, you were hungry.

Dave wanted to come over, after he had run off, disappearing without a note or word to you, he had left. That was a year ago.

He said he wanted to see you, see if he would see you the same as he did years ago. He had told you that he had gotten some help.

Some help for what? You wouldn't know. You couldn't remember anything from the past twenty or so years.

Except for the feeling of not being alone, otherwise, how would you feel lonely now?

He was coming in time for your birthday. You couldn't fathom why. The kid had left, had run away- or maybe he had just moved out? How old was he now, you couldn't remember, anything from when Cal was around is just a blur in your head- he didn't care about you. Why would he come on such an "important" day?

You reached over and picked up your phone, the bright light emitting from it hurt your eyes and made the dull throb in your head worse.

Three messages were present. One from five days ago, one from three days ago, and one from eight hours ago.

"listen, i kinda need to do this, but rose says i should run it by you first, you know, to give you a fair warning. so i am coming to visit you in a few days, five days to be exact and shit, so be ready and shit. im coming back"

"you still haven't replied and i kinda wanna chicken out, but ive already gotten the plane tickets

just text me back"

"i arrived. ill be by in a bit. itd be a lot easier if youd just respond. even i am starting to worry"

You thought about texting him back, thought about putting the kids mind at peace and letting him know that you don't care that he's coming. But, you didn't have it in you.

You were so tired.

You watched the clock tick by, and you thought of getting up, making yourself a meal, and having something ready for when Dave arrived, but you couldn't.

You were the worst brother.

You hardly even counted as a brother, you never took care of Dave, you just tortured him until he left you too.

You used to be fairly fit, Cal always screaming that you needed to be ready, and make sure Dave was ready too. Now, you couldn't walk up the steps to your apartment without losing your breath.

It was an hour or so later when you heard a knock on your door. You forced yourself up, trudging to the door slowly. Your back popped, and you stood up as straight as you could.

When you opened the door, you were face to face with your kid brother. He was about an inch taller than you, and a voice in the back of your head scoffed and said you could take him anyways.

"Hey lil man, what can I do for ya?" Your voice sounded hoarse, you hadn't used it in awhile.

Dave's face dropped a bit, and his tense shoulders relaxed. "You never answered my texts."

"I haven't been on my phone in awhile," you weren't lying completely. You had missed his messages when he originally sent them.

"You look like shit," he told you, and all you could do was nod. You did look like shit, and you probably smelled like it too.

You stepped back and let him in, and he stepped in and headed to the kitchen. He popped open the fridge and chuckled, though it sounded a bit nervous to you.

"No swords?" He asked.

Your fridge was almost completely empty, besides a few bottles of water and some leftover pizza.

"No," and you weren't sure if you were supposed to offer him food. You should, he's your kid brother, your supposed to treat him or something when he came over. "Want something to eat? We can go out."

He looked you over. You felt even more disgusting. He nodded and you watched him gulp.

He looked nice, he was tall, nice features, he was wearing a clean suit. He probably had a girlfriend or boyfriend back at wherever he lived. Maybe he was even married, and he just wasn't wearing his ring. You felt even worse. You might've missed your kid brothers wedding, what type of brother were you?

The type to drive your only family away.

You put on a jacket, it hardly fit anymore, and headed out the door after grabbing your keys. You locked up and headed to your car, seeing a slick sports car in the parking lot and mentally deciding that it was probably Dave's. The kid had made it big.

When you got into your old, beat up truck, he followed, staring at you the whole time. Even as you drove towards a small Chinese restaurant, he kept watching you.

"So what brings you here?" You asked, trying to get to the point. The sooner you were alone again, the sooner you could sleep.

"The fuck happened to you?" Dave's voice rang through the car.

You weren't really sure what had happened. You had woken up and realized that seventeen years of your life had passed by, and you had done nothing but become an even more terrible person.

You couldn't just shrug though, so you told him a simple, "I woke up and realized that all I wanted to do was sleep."

He looked at you like you had grown a second head, and now you really wished you were alone again.

He was silent as you pulled into the restaurant, and silent as you got a table. It wasn't until after you had ordered drinks that he had spoken up again.

"You- I used to be afraid of you. You used to make my life a living hell, you used to be some sort of godly thing that no matter how hard I tried to escape, I couldn't. What the fuck did you do?"

"Sorry," you were, you were genuinely sorry for ruining this poor kids life.

"Sorry? That's all you have to say? No explanation as to how the fuck you've become," he gestures to you, "this?! You look like you haven't eaten in weeks, your apartment isn't a wreck, meaning you haven't been doing anything but sitting on that fucking couch. What happened?"

You sighed, he wasn't wrong. "I don't know, Dave. I just, one day I woke up, and I was able to think for the first time in years. And all I can think about is how badly I fucked up."

"You have fucked up pretty badly, huh?" Dave's mouth was turned down in a small frown, and God, you felt like shit. Why was he even talking to you?

You nodded numbly, you felt like you were sixteen again, receiving your last letter that you ever would get from Jake. The pain of knowing that you had done something wrong but not being able to realize what exactly it was.

"I've done some horrible stuff-"

He cuts you off, "no really? I can't believe it! You doing something wrong? I'm amazed."

"And I know it fucked you up as well, and I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been the one to get you from that meteor. Even an old dog would've taken better care of you, but at the time, I was alone. I- I don't know why, but I couldn't stop from thinking that I needed to help you, I knew I was alone, and I knew I would never amount to something more than that, but I thought that I could help you become what I always thought I could've become if I had had someone helping me. I shouldn't have been the one to find you." You sighed and held your head in your hands.

You wish you had some aspirin, not that it ever worked, but just knowing it was in your system always made you feel a little better.

Dave was silent, staring down at you, and you had to admit, you were proud that he hadn't just left you yet. That he hadn't stood up and disappeared out of your life again.

"You're really thin. It's pretty unhealthy, Bro. You want some of my food?" He asked, and for once, you felt at an absolute loss. You normally had something to say or fall back on, but you were too shocked to force words out of your mouth.

It was a tempting offer, to eat something after going without food for so long, but you were sure that if you ate anything right now, you'd be sick.

You shook your head no, and the motion made you dizzy.

He looked at you like you were stupid, and you felt kinda stupid. You were supposed to be this kids older brother, you were supposed to be smart.

You were supposed to be there for him. You were supposed to be the one visiting him and making sure he had eaten. You were supposed to be the one to check in and make sure he was still content, to be the one who taught him about life, to raise him into greatness.

You weren't only stupid, you were also a failure.

"You need to eat something," he insisted. He looked nice in a suit, it really worked well for him, brought out his light, blond hair.

"I'm not hungry," you lied. You ran a hand through your hair, it was so course, not soft at all. You used too much product, it was ruining your hair.

"You're a liar and an abuser, nice." Dave shot you some finger guns, and you almost left. You didn't think you could handle this. It was hard enough to convince yourself to think about your past, talking about it to your kid brother sounded even worse.

"I'm sorry. I'll eat later, I can't right now," you would, you'd eat some leftovers and maybe drink some old orange juice.

He gave you a disbelieving look and you gulped.

"Dirk," you hadn't heard that name since Roxy had called you and told you she was moving away, "what happened. From the beginning and shit, before I was even on the shithole of a planet."

You licked your lips and started to tell him. You told him everything, from when you woke up in the orphanage, to when you ran away, even telling him the parts about Jake. About how you were greedy and asked him to stay, or at least keep messaging you, and how he never spoke to you again. You told him about Jane and Roxy, how they both told you they'd be with you until the end, and how slowly but surely, they left too. You told him everything, from when Cal started talking to you more, until all you could hear was his voice.

When you finished, he was watching you closely, and you felt sick. You probably looked sick, he was staring at your face.

"So Jake never responded?" He asked, and you felt even worse hearing it from someone else.

"No, I sent him some more emails, but he never answered," you bit your lip and mentally complained to yourself about how chapped your lips were.

"I saw Roxy, she told me to hit you. Then she laughed and took a swing of vodka, and told us a story about how she had once vacuumed up a book when she was cleaning," you chuckled when he finished his story.

That sounded like something Roxy would do.

"Who is us?" Even you got curious sometimes.

"Me and Rose, an old friend. She was the one who said that I needed to some visit you," you ah'd and nodded again.

"You never wanted a kid, did you?"

You shook your head no.

"You couldn't even afford a kid could you? You starved yourself back then just like how you starve yourself now."

"Yea," your eyelids felt like sandbags, weighing down on your eyes.

"You were just some lonely kid," Dave finished up his meal and speech, staring down at you.

You blinked tiredly, feeling no need to respond. You shifted back and stretched, closing your eyes.

"Why are you asking me all these things?"

"I wanted to know, I didn't think anyone would have it in the to beat down on a kid every week to train him for something that would never come, so I wanted to know why you did. I expected that I wouldn't get a reply, and if I did, it'd be some lame ass, 'you were weak and needed the training' bullshit answer. Roxy wouldn't tell me shit about you, just said you were some loser from a small home." Dave's shades were reflecting the light from the dim bulbs in the room, and you stared into where his eye would be.

They were red, when you were younger and first getting the hang of taking care of him, you had no idea what was wrong with him. Later you learned that he was fine, perfectly healthy, and you had felt so proud of yourself.

"What now?" You had to wonder what the kid would do next.

"I'm moving back in with you," he told you, and you twitched, your leg jittering under the table.

"Why?"

"I hate you, or at least I should, you're a terrible guardian, but no matter how hard I try, I can't. I can't fuckin do it, it used to be because I thought you were cool. I thought you were doing what was best. Then it was because I just couldn't find it in me to hate the only family I had. After I ran away, it was because I would lie to myself and pretend that you were thinking about me, hoping I was safe. Now it's because I fucking pity you. You and your dumb past, you and your shitty apartment, and you and all your fucking regrets." You had been thinking about him while he was gone, he just didn't know that.

You decided to tell him so, and when his face seemed to lighten up a little, you also felt a bit better.

"Okay, so you're moving back in?" You asked, making sure, so that you knew if you needed to clean your room, so he could stay in there.

"Yea, once you stop looking like a zombie and we've both sorted out our brother issues, I'll bail again, but this time, not for so long. Hopefully we can visit each other on the holidays and shit. You can meet my friends, they're pretty cool," he sure did have a lot of plans for you both.

He had let you pay the bill, it had taken a small argument though, you saying you'd pay it, and him saying he had enough money to buy this whole restaurant, and that he should pay it.

When you parted ways in the parking lot, he looked like he wanted to hug you, but he never made a move to actually do it. You were too afraid of how he'd react to do it yourself, so you stayed put and told him goodnight and that you'd clean up. 

You watched him swerve out of the parking lot, his fancy car reflecting all the yellowish lights coming from the apartment building.

You headed up to your home, your legs stiff and head still throbbing. You made it to the couch before collapsing. You sunk into the old cushions and felt yourself lose touch with the world. You would clean tomorrow.

For now, you were too tired to do anything but sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy writing sadstuck, lol. 
> 
> If you have a request for a story, drop a comment!


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